Just had a strange thought while reading something about retirement plans of all things. I thought, everyone goes for these things and likewise grumbles about their student loans and buys insurance and prepares for their futures and social security and the stock market and car and house loans and mortgages because frankly we all think we’re going to survive for awhile. Nobody ever thinks “going to get a bunch of loans and rack up a debt because I plan to die at 35 and I won’t have to pay this shit off”. Even people who think they’re going to die young are mechanically following all of our social expectations in regards to taxes and insurance and social security because if someone were to say you’re going to die in a few weeks from an accident and none of it is going to matter and you might as well enjoy these last moments, you would say “bullshit what do you know” and a little shaken you would still feel very present, because here is your body and your home and all of these routines and plans and relationships and hopes so there is just no way that could just vanish. But it could. So it’s funny how we disregard that thinking we will persevere. We made it through the uterus after all, grew up, experienced some hardships and survived. Won’t tomorrow be just the same? No, it won’t be. It never is, and the changes happen with more intensity on certain days and when those days end we return to the familiar and forget again that it will soon end before or after our loans are paid off; it doesn’t matter.
Clou le Fou
In conjunction with my photography exploring negative space, I have also been writing in that silent time between midnight and 4am, and here I have gathered memories and words from that space between dreams and reality.