Why?

Why do people ask me questions when there is Google? Why can’t the Genius Bar be filled with cocktails and Einsteins? Names are so confining. Why can’t I just call you whatever I want: Squirt, Boss, Fatass. Something to fit your character; the Indians did it. Why always a loud bark? Is there no crescendo or decrescendo in the dog world? Why don’t you jump on my bandwagon for once? Why do international stewardesses always look sharp while American stewardesses (excuse me, flight attendants) look like plastic pop tarts? Why am I here? Why are you there? Why do I know you at all? Why does the car chase scene always happen where there’s a symphony orchestra? When it hits close to home you open your eyes. Why can’t you keep them open for the rest of the world? I don’t know why some people like you and some don’t. Why’s nutmeg poisonous? Why do goats have rectangular pupils? Just the laws of nature. Why do people have to experience a tragedy to wake up and stop performing? Why are friend and fiend so close in the English language? Think they’re cousins? Why are these expensive hipster cafes so minimalist? I feel like I’m paying loads to eat in a convent. Why are you referring to your kid as a number? This isn’t a concentration camp. Why does every teenager seem to think it’s the end of the world? They have a lot more misery ahead of them. I feel like people are always trying to test me. Why can’t you just love me? “Why?” she asks herself for the one millionth time. “Why is?…great I must have been drunk” -me receiving my netflix dvd in the mail. Ugh why does anyone attempt to give me a high five? You know when you meet someone good and you wonder why you wasted all that time before? Nobody can replace anybody, that’s why we wait. Why do the most oddly shaped people always wear the leopard print jeggings? Some people say to fight for what you want. I say why fight for that idiot who didn’t treasure you in the first place? Fight a better fight. Hold on to the one who got away so more get away and you wonder why you’re all alone. Why is it that sometimes I’m really “on” and other times I can hardly swallow my vitamins? I wish I could just say no, I don’t know why I have to explain everything. I hate feeling tied down, that’s why I’m floating away in a cloud of balloons. I am not my past. That’s why I’d rather talk about penguins. Why do they even say people’s names in movies? It’s like an hour and a half, I’m not going to remember that stupid detail. I don’t even know why people develop crushes on me it’s like you haven’t even read my essay on the inherent parasitic nature of romantic love. If you don’t want to marry me why did you text me? If there’s no point to anything why not try to be happy in your pointlessness? I used to wonder why Charlie Brown’s teacher sounded so ridiculous and incomprehensible and then I became an “adult”.